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Alone- it keeps coming up but maybe not as you would think.
Yesterday(Saturday), I felt nudged to go to my friends church. But in the middle of the night I thought "I'm not going. I don't want to be alone in the middle of so many people". This particular church has two services one at 9:00 and one at 11:00. The 11:00 service is mostly college students. It is when and where Leah went on and off with her Young Life group before she left for college. Around 10:00 I felt a STRONG nudge to go the the 11:00 service. I asked God why? I don't know anyone at that service, it will be all college students, Mark is out of town. I don't want to go there alone.
I arrived at 10:50 because well you know.... on time is LATE! but this church mingles and arrives late-ish. Groups of college students stood in the outer area talking and drinking coffee. I slowly wandered through them again asking God, why am I here, but feeling at peace that I had come. I made my way into the sanctuary, which was mostly empty other than some preparations for the service. As I scanned the room wondering where to sit and thinking about "taking someone's pew", One of the elders/pastors of the church recognized me and stopped to chat. He said "how's life?" I gave him a quick run down of the past three weeks and as he left me he said "you're not alone". It gave me pause and all I could say was "yeah, alone is the thing...." (that keeps coming up) but I didn't finish that. I found a seat and watched as all the college students came in. I wondered if I was suppose to be here because I just wanted to see college students(?) (grasping? maybe?) Another group of students walked up and entered the row in front of me. One of them looked familiar, we smiled at each other and I didn't think much more of it as I sat in my row alone.
After announcements this church has a greeting time. The familiar young man turns around, smiles and says "Hi, my name is T-----." Well, all the pieces suddenly fall in place and I respond "Hi T----, I'm Leah's mom." T----- is Leah's roommate's brother with T1D. He asks about her and we chat briefly. He says to tell her "hi". We worship together and hug goodbye at the end.
I don't know really why I was nudged this way this morning. I don't see a clear path or conclusion yet but I know I was supposed to go there at that time. What are the chances that "T" would sit directly in front of me and be the only person to turn and greet me. Coincidence? I think not.
(By the way, right after the greeting some late arriving college students slipped in and ask if my row was taken, No I said, so my row became full ;o)
Sometimes, it seems we know exactly why God asks us to do something and sometimes......
I'm still puzzling this out and I may never know but what got written in my journal through this service is
In Christ alone, Through Grace alone, By the Spirit alone
we are called to be alone with Him.
His still small voice is an echo on the wind, a whisper in the dark or a nudge that won't let up
Sometimes we allow the many voices in life to drown out the only voice that really matters....
the voice of GOD.
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