Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
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FOOD! I've always had a love hate relationship with it but how consuming it is now! I don't need to watch my carbs, do I? but I am obsessed with looking at the carb count of everything now. It takes hours for me to grocery shop, then I end up leaving frustrated. Mark and I ate at the Panda Express today- I was so pleased with myself getting the string beans and chicken (13 carbs)- but they trick you! That didn't include the low mein noodles as a SIDE!! (78 carbs!!!)
Ryan (my son) believes we all need to wage war on carbs and sugar. He's probably right. I watch him hanging from tiny little pieces of anything or balancing on his slack line and I'm in awe of his physical strength. The strength of his thick strong fingers. The callouses he chooses to allow on his fingers for climbing and guitar and is proud of .... verses the callouses on Leah's tiny slim fingers. These become a symbol of her inner strength and endurance. We continue to learn her body - her reactions to foods - mistakes are miserable with the feelings similar to a hangover. I ache and wish it were me and not her and she amazes me again with her strength. One "taste" not planned for can cause such chaos. Its evil, I hate it.
Yet because of my devotional today my thoughts are brought back to Psalm 34:8. "Taste and see that I am Good-----I am training you to find Me in each moment and to be a channel of My loving Presence. Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways: through pain and trouble. Understanding will fail you, but trust will keep you close to Me." (Sarah Young)
God played this song for me today......
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Courage is Fear that Said its Prayers
Good Friday Service:
A good friend invited me to her church's Good Friday service. I went back to work on Thursday and Friday. I taught a class to adults on Friday, was on my feet all day and I was tired but I really felt God nudging me to go.
What an awesome experience. It was beyond anything I have experienced BUT I know better. I have a clue now. I have been primed for this moment. It was hard, it was raw, I was reluctant but at the end when we had quiet reflective moments with communion I was clearly told I had to let go and let God.
Hi, my name is Blenna and I am a control freak..... God made me this way I often say. He uses it in me to plan, maintain and organize. He called me to work with these little minds. My mission field of classroom works well this way. Well, He likes it........ until He doesn't. Yes, there are certainly areas in my life that this serves me well and then there are other areas like parenting a young (fiercely independent, competent) adult child. I am in awe of her. She has adjusted well. She's responsible and competent and ALIVE. She's ready to put this in her back pocket and get back to her life of college and friends. They kept me around for a while to uber drive them to a concert but soon it was clear I was not needed. So I moved to my aunt and uncle's house just 20 minutes away. After two days there it was obvious that I was the only one not getting back to my own responsibilities. How can I leave and live three hours away. Mark came and got me on Tuesday. I went back to work but I was completely consumed with thinking about her, wondering at every moment what her BS was. Did she make it through the night? She was patiently texting me but I was noticing a change in the information. Her text were moving from numbers and specifics about T1D to regular conversations and just general "I'm good" when referring to her numbers for the day.
So back to Good Friday- I had to let go. I had to trust. I had to realize that I am not the God of Leah. There is nothing I can do to keep her as safe as He can. As He gently peeled my praying hands off and took that responsibility from my crying self, I actually felt relief. I went home, went to bed and slept about ten hours straight.
A good friend invited me to her church's Good Friday service. I went back to work on Thursday and Friday. I taught a class to adults on Friday, was on my feet all day and I was tired but I really felt God nudging me to go.
What an awesome experience. It was beyond anything I have experienced BUT I know better. I have a clue now. I have been primed for this moment. It was hard, it was raw, I was reluctant but at the end when we had quiet reflective moments with communion I was clearly told I had to let go and let God.
Hi, my name is Blenna and I am a control freak..... God made me this way I often say. He uses it in me to plan, maintain and organize. He called me to work with these little minds. My mission field of classroom works well this way. Well, He likes it........ until He doesn't. Yes, there are certainly areas in my life that this serves me well and then there are other areas like parenting a young (fiercely independent, competent) adult child. I am in awe of her. She has adjusted well. She's responsible and competent and ALIVE. She's ready to put this in her back pocket and get back to her life of college and friends. They kept me around for a while to uber drive them to a concert but soon it was clear I was not needed. So I moved to my aunt and uncle's house just 20 minutes away. After two days there it was obvious that I was the only one not getting back to my own responsibilities. How can I leave and live three hours away. Mark came and got me on Tuesday. I went back to work but I was completely consumed with thinking about her, wondering at every moment what her BS was. Did she make it through the night? She was patiently texting me but I was noticing a change in the information. Her text were moving from numbers and specifics about T1D to regular conversations and just general "I'm good" when referring to her numbers for the day.
So back to Good Friday- I had to let go. I had to trust. I had to realize that I am not the God of Leah. There is nothing I can do to keep her as safe as He can. As He gently peeled my praying hands off and took that responsibility from my crying self, I actually felt relief. I went home, went to bed and slept about ten hours straight.
Courage is Fear that said its prayers
Sunday, March 27, 2016
God bumps and Giddy aunts
Thursday- March 17th 2:00 - We are back in Blacksburg for visit number 2. Still have no endocrinologist. My anxiety is high. Leah wants to get back to school as soon as possible and I am uncomfortable with her not having a doctor near school.
As God would have it, we were in the EXAMINING room, waiting on the Doctor when my aunt called. I almost didn't answer it! She just so happened to be in an endocrinologist clinic, which incidentally, was rescheduled to this particular day, with a new endocrinologist that had never been an attending at this kind of clinic! Also as God would have it, this doctor is a pediatric/adolescent endocrinologist who has a special interest in transitioning adolescent T1D to adult. She was in the background as my giddy aunt called me and told her to tell us even if the office couldn't figure out how to get Leah on the schedule to show up at 1:00 the very next day anyway! We were jaw-dropping amazed at how He had swung the bat at this most recent curve ball. We came home, packed up and headed to Richmond with God bumps on our arms.
Phone a Friend
1 Corinthians 13:7
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
March 23rd. - We are home, all four of us, fixing dinner and it feels so good. We've got one person on the computer, one on the paper references from the hospital, one on the phone app, one at the grill. We are smart! We can count carbs and figure out a correction dose and add that to the ratio of carb to insulin. Yes, we can.......... but I phone a friend who's daughter is T1D just to double check. ;o)
God even provides "phone a friend!" I have been teaching since 1987. In those years I have had some experience with students with T1D. Most recently I had a first grader who's T1D was newly diagnoses and as God would have it her mother taught in our school. As God would also have it a couple of years ago our principal decided to make some moves and moved her RIGHT BESIDE OF MY ROOM. Yes, exactly next door to me. We became close the year that I had her daughter and she was one of the first people I contacted when we got the diagnosis. "Godily" she was willing to text/chat with me at all hours of the night as I moved through the emotions and grief of things not yet known. She knew exactly what to say and God used her mightily during this time as he continues to do. God loved so much that He had her already in place for us as a resource and a strength. I am on my face with His power.
Eagle's Wings and Chasing Rabbits
Isaiah 40:30 -31 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; 31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
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This is one of my top favorite verses. Anyone who knows me well know I'm not very good at waiting and I really don't like surprises. I am a planner. Leah has teased me about not being very spontaneous. To which I quickly reply-- I can be spontaneous if you give me time to plan for it. ;o)
March 15,16: We are disappointed each day that we are not released. BS numbers are up and down and potassium/magnesium drop and she has to have IV drips again. We use this time to begin our search for an endocrinologist. We had decided that it would be best to have this doctor be in Richmond and her doctor in Blacksburg was willing to work with an endocrinologist in Richmond. Through the advice of some other friends and connections we decide that we really want this doctor to be through MCV. My aunt works at MCV so she begins the search and reaching out to some of the doctors. This doesn't appear to be going well. The response we are getting is that we will have to get on a waiting list that could be three months or longer. She sends me some names and I begin reading reviews on line. Sleep is difficult. Mark would walk by me on my computer and say "what are you doing" and my answer was always "chasing rabbits".
March 17: We have a new shift of doctors and nurses. People who haven't know us since Saturday. Amazing how attached you can get to your crew in such a short time. This doctor doesn't know us, doesn't know what we've already learned and been through. He rounds on us and starts at the beginning like this is our first day. We smile and nod politely. Then roll our eyes when he leaves. New nurse "forgets" that the other nurses left notes that Leah is doing her own shots, etc. Her numbers shoot up again and they start acting like they want to keep her again. Potassium and mag are good. Anion gap has closed. We are ready to move on to the new phase. We have to get a bit assertive in insisting that we appreciate the care and cautious treatment but we will be going straight to a doc who has experience that a hospitalist does not. They finally agree and let us leave!
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This is one of my top favorite verses. Anyone who knows me well know I'm not very good at waiting and I really don't like surprises. I am a planner. Leah has teased me about not being very spontaneous. To which I quickly reply-- I can be spontaneous if you give me time to plan for it. ;o)
March 15,16: We are disappointed each day that we are not released. BS numbers are up and down and potassium/magnesium drop and she has to have IV drips again. We use this time to begin our search for an endocrinologist. We had decided that it would be best to have this doctor be in Richmond and her doctor in Blacksburg was willing to work with an endocrinologist in Richmond. Through the advice of some other friends and connections we decide that we really want this doctor to be through MCV. My aunt works at MCV so she begins the search and reaching out to some of the doctors. This doesn't appear to be going well. The response we are getting is that we will have to get on a waiting list that could be three months or longer. She sends me some names and I begin reading reviews on line. Sleep is difficult. Mark would walk by me on my computer and say "what are you doing" and my answer was always "chasing rabbits".
March 17: We have a new shift of doctors and nurses. People who haven't know us since Saturday. Amazing how attached you can get to your crew in such a short time. This doctor doesn't know us, doesn't know what we've already learned and been through. He rounds on us and starts at the beginning like this is our first day. We smile and nod politely. Then roll our eyes when he leaves. New nurse "forgets" that the other nurses left notes that Leah is doing her own shots, etc. Her numbers shoot up again and they start acting like they want to keep her again. Potassium and mag are good. Anion gap has closed. We are ready to move on to the new phase. We have to get a bit assertive in insisting that we appreciate the care and cautious treatment but we will be going straight to a doc who has experience that a hospitalist does not. They finally agree and let us leave!
I know the plans....
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
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I had no doubt from the moment we learned it was T1D that God did not give her this. She did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. We live in a fallen world and there are curve balls for all. Some may have the appearance of avoiding curve balls but I believe if we look inside their closets there are some. What amazed me was how daily God showed that he had the BAT for each of the smaller curve balls we faced.
March 14:
Diabetic Education: We began the "rocket science" of learning about insulin dosing and BS ranges. About the affects of emotions and exercise. How to prime an insulin pen. How to work the monitor. How to use glucagon in an emergency. What to watch for.... Leah's roommate and boyfriend were in the waiting room at this time. Since they really spend more time with her than we do now I asked if they could come in to hear some of this. Leah's roommate then told us that her dad and brother are T1D. People I later told that to said "luckily" --- I said "No, Godily".
D-Day 2.0- God Provides
March 12th afternoon-
Leah is admitted to the CCU and our education on life with diabetes begins. The first challenge is getting Leah a doctor. She has been with the pediatricians but we feel that she needs someone starting now that can follow her into adulthood. Where do you start when doctor shopping? God knows! A good friend comes to visit us in the hospital and her doctor has a son with T1D. She makes a phone call and gives him my name and number. This doctor is on vacation with his family at Universal Studios and CALLS ME. He jokes that he is avoiding rides but seriously? I am floored! He says he will be happy to take Leah and help with her health care. He continues to call me every day to check on her. He tells us to come straight to his office as soon as she is released from the hospital and he will see her and that he will work through his lunch if needed.
Sunrises each morning as we go to the hospital.
Leah is admitted to the CCU and our education on life with diabetes begins. The first challenge is getting Leah a doctor. She has been with the pediatricians but we feel that she needs someone starting now that can follow her into adulthood. Where do you start when doctor shopping? God knows! A good friend comes to visit us in the hospital and her doctor has a son with T1D. She makes a phone call and gives him my name and number. This doctor is on vacation with his family at Universal Studios and CALLS ME. He jokes that he is avoiding rides but seriously? I am floored! He says he will be happy to take Leah and help with her health care. He continues to call me every day to check on her. He tells us to come straight to his office as soon as she is released from the hospital and he will see her and that he will work through his lunch if needed.
Sunrises each morning as we go to the hospital.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
D-DAY
MARCH 12 -FACEBOOK POST: Please pray- Life has thrown my family a curve ball.
Wednesday March 9th - Leah and her boyfriend hiked a difficult trail. Her calves hurt so badly she can hardly walk. Two days later there is not much improvement.
Thursday March 10th - getting out of breath easily but recovers when she rests, calves still very painful (maybe legs are body aches? uh oh flu going around ..... right?)
Friday March 11th - Leah is vomiting with diarrhea- Tons of stomach bugs around ... right?
Saturday morning March 12th- Leah calls for me to come to her room. She got up to go to the bathroom and get a drink of water and now she is having difficulty "catching her breath". She has rapid breathing and chest pain. Mark and I take her to the emergency room. While in the ER she vomits again in a trash bag we brought along. We are amazed that she has so much volume. She been drinking water, juice and only eating cracker for two days. After this vomit she is quickly taken to a room. They begin hooking her up to machines. Tachycardia, sore calves and other symptoms....... doctor says they are checking for blood clot but thinks she is in DKA (Ketoacidosis). They do a finger prick = 355 BS (she has had no food )no carbs for around 48 hours! Fluids are started and an insulin drip. Lab show very low potassium and anion gap is wide. The journey begins.
Wednesday March 9th - Leah and her boyfriend hiked a difficult trail. Her calves hurt so badly she can hardly walk. Two days later there is not much improvement.
Thursday March 10th - getting out of breath easily but recovers when she rests, calves still very painful (maybe legs are body aches? uh oh flu going around ..... right?)
Friday March 11th - Leah is vomiting with diarrhea- Tons of stomach bugs around ... right?
Saturday morning March 12th- Leah calls for me to come to her room. She got up to go to the bathroom and get a drink of water and now she is having difficulty "catching her breath". She has rapid breathing and chest pain. Mark and I take her to the emergency room. While in the ER she vomits again in a trash bag we brought along. We are amazed that she has so much volume. She been drinking water, juice and only eating cracker for two days. After this vomit she is quickly taken to a room. They begin hooking her up to machines. Tachycardia, sore calves and other symptoms....... doctor says they are checking for blood clot but thinks she is in DKA (Ketoacidosis). They do a finger prick = 355 BS (she has had no food )no carbs for around 48 hours! Fluids are started and an insulin drip. Lab show very low potassium and anion gap is wide. The journey begins.
Leah Rae
When Leah Rae was little her father would sing "You are my Sunshine". As a child, she was always full of sunshine and life (and energy). In her adolescent life her friends began to call her Leah Rae of Sun. I guess they saw the same thing we did. Now it has become her handle on many social media sites. Last summer when she was on mission in Honduras she became ill. She received a superlative at the end of the week "most likely to smile even when sick." She continues to be our Leah Rae of Sun.
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